Self Esteem and Self Affirmation.... Dont go hand in hand...

I just finished watching "Bullshit" on Showtime. Self Esteem was the subject.

I have always been confused about this issue. I was always told you have to love yourself before you love others... now that's just not true. We all are inspired to do things for a reason. That reason is to make us feel good. No matter what it is that we are doing we NEED to do it for validation. Weather it is working hard for that sports car or just doing a job because it is something we do well. Which in turn comes back to us in some form of validation. We want to know we exist and that people like us.

Without validation we worry that there is something wrong with ourselves... we wonder and try to change what we are or the way we do things to be accepted in groups. We can be in any group we want, if we teach ourselves to be like and do the things that would cause us to be accepted into that group.

Groups are strange things in themselves. Depending on what we want we look for acceptance in a group that blends with what we want. Sometimes these groups don't meet within the socially accepted limits or the accepted limits of our families. This is where life gets confusing. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong. Belief systems that we have created and apply to others sometimes... most times.. will not fit exactly. But to be accepted we conform to the rules for the validation of others.

I think in the long run that if we do and learn good things and do them well then we will receive the validation that we need for our self esteem.

Self Affirmation only builds narcissistic behavior. We are told or in this case we tell ourselves that "we are the greatest out there...." "I am good.." "I can do anything...." which only sets us up for when reality hits us in the face to tell us different.

"I am the greatest out there..." - you can only be the greatest at something by becoming the best at whatever it is that you are trying to do. Practise, Practise, Practise... and training...

"I am good.." This is something we are told to tell ourselves all the time... thing of it is.. its just us telling us that.... when you are not told this by others then you are just blowing up your own ego. By doing whatever it is we do the best way possible and and completing the task we will receive the validation that we truly want and need to make us feel like we are truly good.

"I can do anything..." well.. within limits. If we spend all our time telling ourselves that "I can do anything.." it takes away the time that we should be practising what we really want to do well. In addition to that is that we cant do "anything". We must face the truth of reality that while we can appreciate anything in life we can never do anything we want. When I was young I always wanted to be a pilot of a helicopter for the Coast Guard. I always admired what they did... but the fact of reality is.. I'm just too tall. I don't fit in the pilots seat. There is something I can never do... but I'm OK with that.. there are a lot of pilots out there who cant do some of the things I can do. :)

All in all I think that what I have learned within the past 2 hours is that while life is not all about me.... and sure I don't have the greatest self esteem... I can do something about it... I can do what I do the best I can and by doing so receive the validation of my friends and peers. In return I must remember in my day to day life it is also important to give validation to others for their jobs well done.... by doing so we all just make the world a better place to live in.

That's just my opinion.. I could be wrong. :)