Is it apathy or forgetfulness. It moves to worry. Then fear sets in.
I'm going to the dentist today..... I think I have a loose tooth. I think my dental health is a reflection of how I feel about my life. Its a mess. I don't know why I have a "need" so badly. I have this huge need to be accepted and loved. I'm married... but it has become more like a roommate situation than a marriage. We no longer have intimate time. I want... I need to have sex. Bottom line. I worry all the time about what people think about me.
This post is starting all to strange... Ill try again later....
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Today was hard.....
I sat down here with a thousand things to say and cant bring one to the front to say.
Today was a hard day. An anniversary of sorts. I kept the "happy go lucky" Wilson out as the front but inside I knew what was going on. I was fine until I saw a young lady who was so, well for lack of better words, in love with him. Him being a friend of mine who has gone on. Who knew a childhood crush could affect so deeply a person.
I spoke to her mom after watching her place the wreath where the ships wheel had been and watching her cry for a few moments. "She really misses him..." she said. "I can tell" I replied. Seems that this 17 year old was more effected by the loss of our friend than most. Mike had told her that this was the year he was gonna help her break through in acting at the Ren Fest. Of course Mike is not there now. Her mother told me of the sleepless nights she had been having. Nights she stayed up all night crying over his loss. The pills she was now taking to help her through her depression. How mean the school she was going to had been to her when they should have been helping her get through it. I was angry. I wanted to go hit some heads.
How in the HELL do you tell a 17 year old that a person you cared about deeply was going to HELL for something that we have no way of saying it was on purpose or not. WHAT THE FUCK! The girl is now having nightmares that her friend is being chopped up and all sorts of horrible things because these assholes told her that's what happens when you die like that! They tell her in the name of GOD?!? A "WARNING" that this is what will happen to you if you do the same thing. I would have personally taken her out of the school. You don't take a young person and tell them this SHIT. ESPECIALLY knowing that they are morning a loss. If you EVER wondered WHY I don't go to church... well there is your answer. Its not God I mind hearing about.... its IDIOTS who think they have it alllllll figured out. They are the utmost of authority on "HOW" things go when you exit this existence. The point here is WE DO NOT KNOW what happens when you die. There is one guarantee we will all eventually have the answer and for us to sit there and judge on behalf of God puts us more in the wrong than the person we are judging.
The world is going to shit... I swear. I'm just along for the ride... I hit bumps... I miss Mike as well.... Ill pull through.... I just want one young girl to have a chance... and more support than she can stand when dealing with her first real loss of a friend. Sure... Ill have a drink in his name tonight... maybe a few. But dam-it if you cant say something nice or supportive.... fuck off.
That's just what I think....
Today was a hard day. An anniversary of sorts. I kept the "happy go lucky" Wilson out as the front but inside I knew what was going on. I was fine until I saw a young lady who was so, well for lack of better words, in love with him. Him being a friend of mine who has gone on. Who knew a childhood crush could affect so deeply a person.
I spoke to her mom after watching her place the wreath where the ships wheel had been and watching her cry for a few moments. "She really misses him..." she said. "I can tell" I replied. Seems that this 17 year old was more effected by the loss of our friend than most. Mike had told her that this was the year he was gonna help her break through in acting at the Ren Fest. Of course Mike is not there now. Her mother told me of the sleepless nights she had been having. Nights she stayed up all night crying over his loss. The pills she was now taking to help her through her depression. How mean the school she was going to had been to her when they should have been helping her get through it. I was angry. I wanted to go hit some heads.
How in the HELL do you tell a 17 year old that a person you cared about deeply was going to HELL for something that we have no way of saying it was on purpose or not. WHAT THE FUCK! The girl is now having nightmares that her friend is being chopped up and all sorts of horrible things because these assholes told her that's what happens when you die like that! They tell her in the name of GOD?!? A "WARNING" that this is what will happen to you if you do the same thing. I would have personally taken her out of the school. You don't take a young person and tell them this SHIT. ESPECIALLY knowing that they are morning a loss. If you EVER wondered WHY I don't go to church... well there is your answer. Its not God I mind hearing about.... its IDIOTS who think they have it alllllll figured out. They are the utmost of authority on "HOW" things go when you exit this existence. The point here is WE DO NOT KNOW what happens when you die. There is one guarantee we will all eventually have the answer and for us to sit there and judge on behalf of God puts us more in the wrong than the person we are judging.
The world is going to shit... I swear. I'm just along for the ride... I hit bumps... I miss Mike as well.... Ill pull through.... I just want one young girl to have a chance... and more support than she can stand when dealing with her first real loss of a friend. Sure... Ill have a drink in his name tonight... maybe a few. But dam-it if you cant say something nice or supportive.... fuck off.
That's just what I think....
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